when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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