we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
