he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
