when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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