Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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