Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
