i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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