I smell stomach acid.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
