a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
