I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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