Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
