In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
