Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
