he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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