I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
