The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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