Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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