oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
there was a trapeze. enough said
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
