Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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