After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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