she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
