Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize