remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize