I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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