those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
