You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
wow bdsm is so cute
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
