I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
