I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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