I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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