i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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