Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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