so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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