Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
