At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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