Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
