No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
