she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
