sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
