No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
