dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
