i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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