i barfeds in our rink
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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