K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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