I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
