Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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