and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You smell like stripper and shame
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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