im gay
i know
yea but for you.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
