I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
