she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
