my mouth tastes like poor choices
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The adults are the big ones right?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
