That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
