I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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