glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she woke up with a sticky ear
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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