She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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