It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
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I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
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He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think we might need a safe word for this...