Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
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why do cheetos always look like penises
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
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I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him