He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.