Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.