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• (650): View more from California

  I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.

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• (716): View more from New York

  I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.

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  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

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• (727): View more from Florida

  I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  do we own a ladder

  (206): View more from Washington

  We do not.

  (360): View more from Washington

  then how am i on the roof

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• (914): View more from New York

  I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis

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• (607): View more from New York

  I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.

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