Texts From Last Night

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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.

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  (608): Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex. http://tfl.nu/iq87
  Replies (19) Good night (5366) Bad night (742)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!

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  (859): Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi! http://tfl.nu/jfyt
  Replies (23) Good night (6946) Bad night (985)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.

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  (832): Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are. http://tfl.nu/ir1i
  Replies (15) Good night (3858) Bad night (1312)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist

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  (301): dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist http://tfl.nu/26ue
  Replies (6) Good night (5101) Bad night (1199)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  it glows. i had to have it.

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  (904): it glows. i had to have it. http://tfl.nu/ygwq
  Replies (14) Good night (5645) Bad night (1148)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.

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  (850): Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night. http://tfl.nu/mu48
  Replies (10) Good night (5354) Bad night (1005)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one

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  (613): You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one http://tfl.nu/l60l
  Replies (5) Good night (5127) Bad night (1100)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.

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  (224): Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day. http://tfl.nu/yhb5
  Replies (39) Good night (4470) Bad night (1097)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".

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  (647): A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe". http://tfl.nu/rgh4
  Replies (6) Good night (1410) Bad night (2125)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  Are we hungover?

  (713): View more from Texas

  I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.

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  (254): Are we hungover? (713): I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it. http://tfl.nu/8xx2
  Replies (5) Good night (2109) Bad night (793)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.

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  (717): Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it. http://tfl.nu/5u1i
  Replies (4) Good night (1378) Bad night (518)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.

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  (281): I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car. http://tfl.nu/5ru6
  Replies (1) Good night (422) Bad night (701)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant

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  (217): yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant http://tfl.nu/oubr
  Replies (4) Good night (741) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.

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  (956): If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so. http://tfl.nu/rl8c
  Replies (1) Good night (281) Bad night (479)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.

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  (540): THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH. (1-540): I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables. (540): YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED. http://tfl.nu/j00x
  Replies (7) Good night (584) Bad night (213)

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