I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You took a bar mat shot.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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