Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.

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(407): Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis. http://tfl.nu/knfk

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(317): View more from Indiana

You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time

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(317): You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time http://tfl.nu/w7q6

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(803): View more from South Carolina

life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.

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(803): life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin. http://tfl.nu/2cdm

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.

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(717): this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl. http://tfl.nu/auau

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(818): View more from California

I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.

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(818): I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me. http://tfl.nu/gx3h

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably

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(414): Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably http://tfl.nu/eax2

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".

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(651): I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila". http://tfl.nu/xbgt

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(206): View more from Washington

Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?

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(206): Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me? http://tfl.nu/2o7o

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(903): View more from Texas

All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.

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(903): All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed. http://tfl.nu/pos0

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.

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(615): I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/1nuc

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(785): View more from Kansas

Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."

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(785): Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk." http://tfl.nu/6oxw

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.

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(978): Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on. http://tfl.nu/i5sb

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(309): View more from Illinois

note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.

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(309): note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never. http://tfl.nu/8ha6

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(443): View more from Maryland

You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.

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(443): You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere. http://tfl.nu/84cy

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(707): View more from California

They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield

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(707): They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield http://tfl.nu/3a5d

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