The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
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The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
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He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine