I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
