There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
