I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
