She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
