garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
