A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
