carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Sext me about skeletons
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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