I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm gonna fight the coyote
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
