Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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