I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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