Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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