My underwear smells like fireworks.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
