He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
